Sunday, April 7, 2013
I had read somewhere that the likelihood of three consecutive miscarriages only affected 1% of pregnancies. I had been confident that this pregnancy was going to be different than the previous two. My body was responding more like it had when I was pregnant with Eden and I had a feeling of peace despite my initial fears of another miscarriage.
I am not writing because I wish to receive condolences. That is the last thing I want really. Pretty early on in the pregnancy some of our close friends observed that I must be pregnant and they of course were right. Friends learned we were pregnant before some of my immediate family members knew, so we decided we might as well not try to keep it a secret any longer. My excitement got the best of me and I made our news somewhat public - which is one reason that I am writing. I don't like the idea of people thinking I am pregnant when unfortunately I am no longer so. I don't like the idea of "breaking the news" to people one at a time when they inevitably and innocently ask about outdated information.
Although, yes, I do write to inform those that had known our news. I mostly desire to write to share my testimony and gratitude (which is ironically the most difficult part).
Our unfortunate event was sandwiched between the Easter holiday last week and the General Conference of our Church this weekend. Easter was an overt reminder that Jesus Christ has overcome spiritual and physical death, enabling us to do the same, so that we might live with God after this life- the ultimate comfort. In General Conference, we hear words of a prophet reminding and reaffirming eternal truths that are confirmed by the Holy Spirit. My heart thirsts to hear the words of the Prophet, Twelve Apostles, and other leaders of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. I know the words they speak are true, and they are the same as if Christ had spoken them. (D&C 1:38) The reoccurring commandment, "Be of good cheer," (John 16:33, D&C 68:6) encourages me. And perhaps the most comforting commandment of all that lends me peace is, D&C 101:16, Therefore, let your hearts be comforted... for all flesh is in mind hands: be still and know that I am God."
Multiple times throughout the experience, when Mark would comfort me with his touch, like an electrical current, the Holy Ghost again bore witness to me what it did so many times before during Mark and I's courtship and engagement, that Mark's love is genuine and he and I chose the correct eternal companion for ourselves.
Despite some reserved sadness, our sweet Eden reminds us of the great blessings Heavenly Father has already bestowed upon our family. I am grateful for what we have. It would be counterproductive to dwell on what we do not have.
After three consecutive miscarriages, it is easy to think that there might be some permanent problem that would keep us from having more children. I have never imagined myself to only have one child. The joy we experience being Eden's parents, naturally instills in us a desire to bring more children into our family. If it is a permanent problem, we, of course, know that there are other options to consider that might be right for growing our family. However, no matter what happens, we know that life will unfold itself as it will - regardless of our best plans or preconceived notions. We take comfort knowing that, if we are faithful in keeping the covenants we have made with the Lord in His Holy Temple, our lives will include all the learning and shaping experiences required so that we may live with our Heavenly Father again, and where our families can continue to grow without the imperfect conditions of mortal life on earth.
The closing song of the Sunday Morning Session of General Conference, was fittingly, "Come, Come, Ye Saints," a beautiful hymn of encouragement and eternal perspective.
We know that you, our friends and family, are sorry for our loss. We feel your love that some have already expressed to us in their concern. We are grateful for you, we love you. Above all, we are grateful for the eternal truths that shape our perspective of this mortal life. We are grateful for our Savior, Jesus Christ, who is the author of our beliefs. We love Him. We know that He lives, that through Him we can overcome all, and that He has again restored the entirety of His gospel through His prophets. We know these things as surely as we know that we are made of flesh and bone.
